Begin stuck at home like most of the world, given the COVID-19 pandemic, I will chill out to Netflix too, just like you I'm sure.
While doing so - keeping others and myself safe - last night I came across a new reality show for singles called 'Love Is Blind'. Hosted by Nick Lachey, the concept is unique: 12 young adults agreed 'to play'. As such, they were kept away from their real lives for a month on a crash course of dating, proposing and marrying a partner they first chose only by sound. That's right! While dating, each 'pair' sat in separate 'dating pods' and got to know each other by talk only.
Okay so does this sound ridiculous or what? Many reality shows take a beating. But there are just as many out there who love them, no? As a dating, singles and relationship coach I am always intrigued by the various, creative ways the world is coming up with regarding dating. It's a time honored tradition after all, whether we are talking about two fathers trading their 'dowry' when their children marry to today's modern online dating platforms.
No, I didn't judge. Instead I tuned in. Yes, it's kitschy. A 'social experiment' as the Lachey's tell it.
And everyone found someone to love. That in itself might seems staged. It did center around the men making the decision to propose. There was some drama as some had a hard time deciding between two or three and one who knew for sure got jilted (at least initially).
There was one story line, however, that I wanted to highlight. The love story of Carlton and Diamond. They connected through these 'blind dates' and 'fell in love' within a week or so (is that even possible?). Things got off to a great start as Carlton proposed to Diamond with a ring and Diamond accepted.
The next step in the process was to go on an all expenses paid trip to Cancun, where all six couples stayed in the same luxury resort for what seemed a week. During this leg in the journey, the Lachey's told the couples it was time to move past the blind and emotional part of the dating process and pair it with the physical attraction process.
And this is where Carlton and Diamond faltered. Carlton got nervous and it impeded his ability to be the person he was in the pods with Diamond. He became flippant and irritable and Diamond picked right up on it. The root of his anxiety was as such: Carlton hadn't disclosed to Diamond that he 'loves people for who they are, not due to their sex'. I don't think he ever labeled himself bisexual. In fact, I think he may have used the word 'pan' at some point. I'd have to go back and watch it again to see. I do know that he was on the show seeking a wife because he'd experienced other relationships, including with men, and felt th energy and support of a female fit him best for marriage.
Carlton felt he had to be truthful with Diamond and share this fact about himself with her. But how he did so ruined everything. Diamond felt she should have been told earlier on, given the third and fourth stages of the process included moving in together after the resort trip, and getting married within like, three weeks.
How Carlton approached telling his fiance show his lack of self confidence and trust in himself. If he'd been more confident and self secure, perhaps he'd have told Diamond about his sexual orientation during the pod/'blind' phase. But I can see where this is expecting a lot, for many. He even stated that, in the past, if he told women that he was attracted to both sexes, before they'd become interested in him, they wouldn't give him a chance. And here he is: hoping he can tell his future wife and somehow come to an understanding and not have it blow up in his face.
So you can see Carlton probably feels there is a Catch 22: darned if he does and darned if he doesn't.
But I don't believe Diamond would have walked away if Carlton had found a way to talk to her more skillfully. She was rightly concerned. Perhaps for some straight women - in fact I know they are out there - a man's non-heterosexual orientation is not a deal breaker. What most people fear - unfairly - about bisexuals and pansexuals is that they can't be monogamous. However, one's sexual orientation is separate from ones desire regarding monogamy.
Well, we don't even know if Diamond wants to be monogamous. Today, many talk openly with their partner about whether to leave open their relationship. And we don't know what Carlton's preferences would be.
Sadly, Carlton expected Diamond to reject him and thus, acted in a manner which ensured that which he most feared happened. A 'self fulfilling' prophecy, of sorts. And painful to watch. I felt so badly for both of them.
That, by the way, brings up again the ethical question for me about these types of shows: it appears there was a coach for each gender. Why weren't they pulled in to help? Apparently, this isn't the intent of the show's creators: they want to leave the participants to their own devices.
What do you think about the issue of sexual orientation and what someone you are moving forward in a committed relationship deserves to know? In the meantime, I've heard the show has already been renewed for a second year, which is great news and that season one was filmed in 2018.
